In the Philippines, family reputation is sacred. Her family, friends and community would ostracise her. She could not look forward to a bright future. Flipino men, even those who engage themselves in pre-marital sex, would not find her worthy of attention.

That was then. It is quite different now. Today’s youth engage freely in sex. Girls hardly mind losing their virginity like they used to. Men are not as stringent in rejecting a non-virgin for a wife.

Cases of teenage pregnancies and single parents are on the rise. The phenomenon is significant enough to move the Philippine government to enact a law protecting the interests of single parents. Surveys after surveys are confirming research data that show majority of young people aged from 15 to 35 have engaged themselves in pre-marital sex for at least once in their lives.

Losing virginity and ending up a single parent, along with poverty, have been recognized as the single strongest force that pushed Filipinas to seek employment in the country and overseas. The rise in number of single parents has impacted on the workplace and on the dating habits of Filipinas.

Today, Filipina workers outnumber their male counterparts, and have proceeded to earn a distinct reputation for their diligence. Unfortunately, some of them could not do better than take refuge in girlie bars and prostitution joints.

Filipina single parents also comprise a large segment of the online dating community. Despite rapid changes in Philipine culture particularly in relation to virginity, Filipinas still find it culturally liberating to date with foreigners online.

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Filipino customs and traditions evolved from religious beliefs and/or superstitions. They find expression in a wide range of daily activities, from farming to commerce, courtship, birth, marriage, family, death, relationships, among many others.

Interestingly, every region, province and even municipality in the Philippines has two or more customs or traditions that are uniquely their own. This is especially true in the countryside, where customs endure on the strength of collective acceptance by their people. Some of them have been institutionalized as annual events or festivals.

Two classic and popular examples of these showcased customs and traditions are the fiesta celebrations and the cenaculo. While the former takes on a variety of forms, themes, creativity and normally project a festive mood, the latter is a more subdued practice depicting the life and death of Jesus Christ. Both, however, have religious gist and history. Fiestas honor and thank the saints for a plentiful harvest and the cenaculo serves as venue for remembering the life, suffering and death of Christ. Both are occasions for collective or individual piety.

Other well-known Filipino customs and traditions include the selection of godparents along with marking the significance of baptism as one’s anointment into the Christian world. In courtship, the serenading and voluntary housework of young men as a way to win their lady’s affection was common in the olden times.

In marriage, the groom-to-be is restricted from seeing or speaking to his soon-to-be bride on eve of their wedding day, in the same way that the wife-in-waiting is restricted from trying on her wedding dress on that same day, for fear that the wedding itself may not materialize.

These and other customs and traditions define the uniqueness of the Filipino people. They reflect their history and the social evolution they went through.

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The grandparents of one of the parents are sometimes part of the Filipino family. Even nieces and nephews of the parents or uncles or aunts of the children may live in one household apart from the “basic family”, that is, the parents and their children.

Further, it is not unusual especially in the rural areas for two or more Filipino families to share a common house or attend to common household chores. They may also be found working together in livelihood activities like farming, fishing or small family enterprises.

The father in the Filipino Family often takes the role of primary provider. He is the authority figure, the acknowledged counselor and disciplinarian. The mother or wife takes the key responsibility for homemaking or household management. She is the moral compass and the children’s first academic mentor. But there have been changes in the home front. Parents today seem more open-minded, having evolved from being too disciplinarian to being an older type of friend for their children.

Although some parents these days still get a little uneasy with this “leveling-off” behavior towards their children, more and more of them have seen the positive impacts, like closer ties, better communication lines, higher levels of mutual trust and, more importantly, deeper respect and love for one another.

While some grandparents and other members of the “extended” Filipino family gets drawn to this relational unraveling, in some cases it is still on a much more conservative level. This is understandable since grandparents were born and reared in family traditions and culture steeped in more conservative and stringent manners.

Nevertheless, it is an amazing discovery how the Filipinos, with both their traditional “extended” family structure and continuing social evolution are able to survive in spite of these seeming incongruent characteristics of both the old and the new.

But then again, the Filipino family is unique.

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On the eve of a wedding, the bride-to-be is forbidden to see the groom-to-be. She likewise cannot try her wedding dress for fear that the wedding may not push through. On the wedding day itself, the bride usually wears a white-blue gown. There is preference for one that is borrowed. On exit from the church, the newlyweds go through the traditional throwing of coins, rice grains and flowers. This practice is said to induce abundance or wealth, as well as promote loyalty and abiding love between the couple.

There are sights of a wedding that make them distinctly Filipino. Example is the overflow of crowd witnessing the wedding rite, from the church to the reception. A Filipino wedding is never good enough if the crowd is not big enough. Filipinos after all are clannish people.

Post-wedding rites continue with undiminished festivity. The father of either bride or groom reads a wish list and toasts the wine, all in a gesture of ushering in a bright future for the new couple. The wedding dance brings the clan together, latching money bills of different denominations to various parts of the newlyweds’ clothes. It is a sign of sharing responsibilities among family members.

While some customs are unique to a certain province, the traditional Filipino wedding remains as one of the most valued occasions in the Philippines.

They are socially well versed. They also can be creative in many ways, from coming up with a good home-cooked meal on a tight budget, to being able to present work-related innovations, or to being organizers of social events.

As an adult with incomes of her own, a Filipino woman never hesitates to extend assistance to other family members in need, like caring for parents with advancing age, sending a sibling to school, and sharing in the household expenses. She, too, can be trusted with family heirlooms, family livelihood or to carry family traditions onto the next generation when she begins her own family life.

As a wife, a Filipino woman excels as a housekeeper. She can be counted on to help her husband provide for family sustenance. And she remains the ever sensitive and responsible mother, keeping close watch over the upkeep of her children.

As professionals, Filipino women bask in a variety of disciplines such as education, social welfare, arts and culture, entertainment, medicine and, yes, even politics. She can be as good or even better than her male counterpart in careers where sensitivity, creativity and charm are put in harness. Truly, Filipino women have shown they can succeed not only as housekeepers but also as partners of nation-building.

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Similarly, younger siblings address an older female sibling with “ate”, and an older male sibling with “kuya”. Kissing the hand of an elder is also a common greeting and considered uniquely Filipino. Respect for elders is manifest wherever there are Filipinos, even abroad.

Other Filipino values worth noting are seen during Sundays. Household members wear their best dress as they attend church services together. Most families later take leisure time together, like relaxing at the park, malling, watching a movie, eating out or just playing the favorite family game or sports, all in the spirit of fun and bonding. Many adult males are also cockfight aficionados.

While the fast-paced life has made it more difficult for the family to spend time together at the dinner table, some parents still believe this is one valued practice that should never be lost. Having meals together provides opportunities for interaction among family members. Here they discuss and share daily experiences, like updates on the parents’ work or on the kid’s school activities.

Children are not expected to leave home even in their early adulthood. Because Filipino families put great value in education, older children who earn incomes are expected to help pay for household expenses, including the education of younger siblings. Children try to keep the company of their aging parents even when they have families of their own. Being clannish is a common Filipino family value. Special occasions like weddings, fiestas, Christmas, baptism or death in the family usually bring families and clans together.

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In the not-so-distant past, Filipino men would serenade their lady love either alone or in the company of friends on any given night, although a serenade when the moon is full was deemed most romantic. Men normally choose kundiman or local ballads for these magical occasions. They belt them out with gusto and emotion right on the doorstep of the lady’s house. If she and her family consent to the wishes of the serenading prince, he earns the good graces of her home and may propose from there.

These days, however, pre-occupied by a fast-paced life and uninhibited by a less conservative society, Filipino romance has taken on new dimensions. While serenading no longer exists, at least in the urban areas, Filipino romance has applied variety in its approaches. Dating is fashionable and displays of affection are publicly flaunted. With faster means of communication via mobile phones and the internet, Filipino romantic relationships can now grow from a whirlwind courtship.

Filipino romance flourishes when sustained by loyalty, commitment, trust and open communication. Filipino women are sensitive and fiercely loyal to their partners. They expect their partners to be re-assuring and provide emotional security to their romantic relationship. And with these they offer enduring bond of a partnership based on love.

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Several decades later, transformation in the household became more and more apparent. Stemmed by the increasing recognition of the talents and skills of the Filipino women, the subservient wife evolved and so has the Filipino marriage customs and landscape. Two things gave rise to the evolution. One is basically economic in nature.

The wife took on the role as an equal partner of her husband in providing for the basic needs of the family, such as by engaging in livelihood herself. The other is the growing attention given to her as a potent force, not only within the confines of the home but as partner in community building as well.

While we can still see some of these women dutifully performing their roles as wife and mother at home, they now occupy better positions as working professionals and as co-provider for the family. Her role in the Filipino marriage now expands from being a mere cook, dishwasher, moral and spiritual mentor to her kids, as well as supporter of her husband as he seeks his fulfillment. She has emerged as an empowered person aware of her own talents and dreams.

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It then becomes natural for friends to call each others’ parents “tita” and “tito” or even Papa or Mama or Tatay or Nanay as if they are their friends’ parents own children. Children also have no qualms about sharing or seeking advise from their friends’ parents on varied matters whenever they feel uncomfortable telling their own parents about them.

Filipino friends normally maintain close association. They spend a lot of time together. The young ones, after school, often spend more time after school to play games or just hang around the campus or at each other’s homes either to study together or play video or outdoor games. Weekends are often spent together as well.

The professionals, on the other hand, often seek one another on weekends or specially-designated get-together weekdays after work. Special occasions like birthday parties are also venues for catching up on missed stories about how other relatives or friends are doing.

Filipino friends are fiercely loyal and protective of one another. They are generous with time and resources. They share intimate secrets and often have the same interests or level of intellectuality. They are likely to come from similar social backgrounds, family and individual orientations, sets of values and beliefs. Their friendship goes beyond physical borders and distances.

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Bicolanos for example are known for a variety of food preparations that go with lots of chili and other spices. People from Northerm Luzon take pride in pinakbet (mixed vegetables) and in their exotic menu. In Central Luzon, delicious confections and kakanin (snack foods and sweets) are hard to resist. The rest of Luzon and Tagalog region are known for their spicy kaldereta and kare-kare (meat and entrails with vegetables and many other spices), paksiw and adobo (fish and meat boiled with vinegar, among other ingredients).

In the Visayas and Mindanao, food preparations with coconut milk are common. Also in many parts of the country and Visayas in particular, occasions like birthdays, weddings, baptisms, family reunions and the like do not seem complete without lechon or roasted pig or roasted chicken.

Statistics have been shown that the more well off people are, chances are higher that wheat-based bread, instead of rice, becomes the staple food. But in the Philipinnes and wherever Filipinos may be found abroad, an ordinary Filipino meal would basically still consist of fish and rice. The essence of this menu has sustained Filipinos for generations after generations. A dish with rice and fish, along with other sets of menu perfected in various parts of the country, is what makes it Filipino.

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